Done.

First semester of sophomore year of college is over.

Thank God. 

I finished three finals today, two in class exams and one paper. So glad. :) 

Now, I am at my roommates house and then heading off to the airport to go home tomorrow morning. 

I am so excited but at the same time so tired from lack of sleep and constant studying. 

This semester has proved to be tougher than last semester and the semester before that. I put in a lot more effort and felt like I worked my ass off. I hope it pays off and I see the results in my final grades. I am really hoping for A's in at least three of my classes. If not, then I will admit I will be disappointed. Oh wells, I'll just work harder next semester and get better grades. 

It's a lie that college is easier than High School. I put in a lot more effort here in college but I end up with B's and the occasional A's. But in High School it was so much easier. I would always do my work and did put in a lot of effort, but it wasn't hard. I always ended up with A's and the occasional B in math. Oh wells, no time to worry now. I just need to hope for the best. 

Anyways, today I went to the library to finish up my paper, study, and grab a Murakami book for my flight home... and I saw this really cute guy who works at the circulation desk. I know, I am so lame, but he was really cute. Teehee. He helped me to check my book out and I asked him some stupid question, to which I already knew the answer to, just so I could talk to him a little longer. What is wrong with me? ha, I guess it is because I have no romantic life whatsoever. I hardly get any contact with boys because my school's ratio of boys to girls is like one boy for every hundred girls. ha. Plus the Art History Department is all girls, there are no boys at all!!! 

He looks a bit older, not sure if he is a student, maybe a senior or a graduate student? I go to the library quite often and I hardly see him so it was nice to see someone cute. Right after I saw him the song Coast of Carolina by Telekinesis, reminds me of him for some reason. Not sure why, but it just popped into my head. Okay, I should stop talking about this because now I sound like I have some crazy middle school crush. 

Yesterday was a battle...

Via National Geohraphic.

But today, I won. 

Chameleon.

Everyday is a different day. Every morning we rise and wake up to a new day. It is never the same as the previous day. That is why we should live each day to the fullest, because we do not know what to expect the next day. Experience and live in the moment, everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. Because at any point of your day destruction may strike. 

Animals by Miike Snow. 

(Don't really like the song, just the lyrics. I think that the beat, pace, and rhythm are too fast for the lyrics and the meaning behind them.)

There was a time when my world was filled with darkness, darkness, darkness
and I stopped dreaming now I'm supposed to fill it up with something, something , something
in your eyes i see the eyes of somebody i knew before long long long ago
but I'm still trying to make my mind up
am I free or am I tied up

I change shapes just to hide in this place but i'm still, i'm still an animal
nobody knows it but me when i slip yeah i slip 
im still an animal

there is a hole and i tried to fill up with money, money , money
but it gets bigger to your hopes is always

running,running,running

in your eyes i see the eyes of somebody of who could be (slow?)
tell me if i'm wrong
and now i'm pulling your disguise up
or you free or are you tied up

i change shapes just to hide in this place but i'm still i'm still an animal
nobody knows it but me when i slip 
I'm still an animal

i change shapes just to hide in this place but im still im still an animal
nobody knows it but me when i slip yeah i slip
I'm still an animal

:instrumental break:

i change shapes just to hide in this place but im still im still an animal
nobody knows it but me when i slip yeah i slip
I'm still an animal x2 

harhar

This is so ridiculously funny...  I am asian AND from Hawaii, so I add to the list of things/people that make Palin uncomfortable. This just made my day. How incredibly stupid and childish can someone be? 

WATCH THIS VIDEO... another reason to continue to keep my facebook unactivated.

Wishlist

So... here is my wishlist:

1. PS1 leather bag in either black, brown or chartreuse.

2. Proenza Schouler leather wallet in brown or chartreuse. 

3. Oxfords, heels, flats, and boots from MaraisUSA.

4. JCrew wool pants. 

5. A watch... I have many in mind, but not sure which type of watch I would like to invest in.

This is all I could come up with for now... I am sure that there is a lot more... :)

The power of pictures

Okay, so, as soon as I saw this picture, I thought it looked like a vagina. ahahaha. Seriously, look and think about it. The shape in the middle formed by the two mini "cliffs" or whatever, you call it, has a similar shape to a vagina. Then when you look on the outer part of it, all the greenery and plants reminds me of pubic hair. It is sort of wild, unruly, animalistic, and naturalistic. Then inside of the shape, is the beautiful, calming blue colored water, which to me is sort of like, "Here, look! Look at the beauty that the vagina has to offer inside." This may all sound crazy, but, really, this is the first thought that came into my head when I saw this picture. I can't help it, I like to analyze pictures, after all I am an Art History major. This picture, just has this sexual meaning and power to me as soon as I saw it. I wouldn't mind painting something like this, but in a different style or with variations. Maybe I should. Hmmmm. 

This and That...

First, the state decides to have a furlough on Fridays for public schools in Hawaii and now, they have decided to have a furlough for libraries, too!? Seriously, what the hell is the government thinking? I understand that they do not have a sufficient amount of money, but, why cut back on school and library days? Aren't the purposes for both of these institutions to educate the people within the community of Hawaii? Why is it that, whenever a cut back has to be made, the arts or anything education related, must be cut back first? I may sound like I am am over reacting, but, I believe that this is a good enough reason to over react. There is so much I want to say about this topic, but I cannot seem to gather all my thoughts in an orderly fashion, so I will just leave it at this and maybe continue next time... 

Anyways, aside from reading that article... I got to thinking about relationships with friends, family members, etc. 

When it comes to any of these sorts of relationships, I have high expectations. It's just how I have been all my life because I found friendships and relationships between family members to be of importance. I was always the type of girl who had a small group of friends, I never had a large group of friends growing up, probably because I was so shy. However, as I grew older, I started to come out of my shell and socialize with many different people, outside of my group of friends. Though I would never consider these people to be my close friends, I would definitely consider them as my friends. And, even in this process, I am quite picky as to whom, I consider my friends, close friends, or acquaintances. Those whom I consider my close or best friends are people who I know I can trust. For my, trust is a very important issue, and usually it takes me a lot longer to trust anyone. I don't know why, but, I have major trust issues. Maybe it could be because I have been screwed over, so many times, and let down over and over again, in my past. Anyways, because of this, I have learned to shut myself off to others pretty well. Yeah, on the outside, it seems like I am very amiable and open, but, truthfully it can be a coverup... sometimes. I am a pretty friendly person and can talk to most people with no problems, but sometimes I act like I am open, when in fact, I use it as a defense mechanism. It all sounds so odd and confusing, but it works for me. Also, deep down inside, I keep track of those, whom I can trust, and others that I cannot trust. That, is why my expectations from my friends, etc are so high, because I feel that because I can trust them, that they will not screw me over or hurt me, in any sort of way. Also, my expectations are probably high because I am willing to do so much for those whom I care about, and I guess in return, I feel that they would do the same for me. But I guess that is not how it works out in many cases. That is why I came to a possible conclusion, maybe I should lower my expectations? I know it sounds bad, but if I were to lower my expectations, then I would not get hurt as often and would probably stress less. Yes, I am an emotional person, as you can tell by reading my entires. I have always been quite an emotional person, but that I also hid as much as possible. Maybe, that is why many people tell me I come off as a "bitch" when they first see me. It's because I try to hide any sort of emotion that I have by putting on this "bitch mask." Hahaha, that sounds funny, "bitch mask." (To clarify, anything, if I happen to sound like I think I am superior, by saying stuff like "they have to earn my trust...blah, blah, blah", sorry, I don't mean to come off as one! I promise, this is just an entry about me venting and ranting.) Okay, off I go! Au revoir! 

Let it out.

"Develop your eccentricities early, and no one will think you’re going senile later in life."

— David Ogilvy 

"Once in a while"

For Thanksgiving week I went with An to her house in San Jose. The weather has been nice and so has the company. I like being here with An, her mom, and her dad. Her folks are so nice and welcoming. On Thursday (Thanksgiving Day), An and I made waffles from scratch and had some with blueberries, cranberries, and chocolate chips! They were amazing. Then we made two apple pies, also from scratch. One, to take to her uncles for Thanksgiving dinner and another to have in her house. After, I went out for a run around the area. San Jose, is so different from San Francisco and Honolulu. I would never move to a place like San Jose, but doesn't mean I don't like it. I like that it is quiet and that the houses here are more spacious than in SF or Oahu. Plus, it feels more safe here, but it can get a bit boring because I can't just go out and take a walk around the neighborhood or walk to a park or cafe. You need a car to get to places. Don't care for that. Aside from that, An's house is welcoming. Anyways, went to An's uncles for Thanksgiving dinner with her father's side of the family. Everyone was very nice and the food was good. I really enjoyed the apple pie An and I made. :) After An and I just watched movies with her cousins and then came back to An's. On Friday, went to Gilroy outlet with An and her family for Black Friday shopping... except we arrived at one... p.m., not a.m. I am so glad I did not have to wake up early and go out shopping. That would have been hell. Utter hell. Going in the afternoon was a lot more chill, but it was still very crowded. The outlet was huge, with many stores, but nothing that tickled my fancy. It was interesting to people watch but shopping was just okay. At Vans there was a buy one get one half off sale so An and I each got a pair or vans. Hers are cream colored original styled Vans and mines are black and khaki colored original Vans. We each paid $25.00, so that was really nice. I haven't had a pair of vans since my Sophomore year of High School. I remember they were pink slip on vans with black embroidered roses. I loved them so much and wore them almost everyday. That was, until I got a new pair of black converse, then I forgot about those loved Vans. I also wore Vans in middle school a lot, even though I didn't skate. I just thought they were so comfortable and I liked that they lasted me a whole year, then the next year I would get new ones. I could get them as messy and beat up as possible, but they never ripped or fell apart. That's why I am so excited about my new pair of Vans. Makes me think about the old days when I used to wear mines all the time and how much I loved each pair. I can still remember all the pairs I owned! Anyways, after got In and Out with An and then met up with her parents. After we just watched movies after movies at her house and ate pie! Lately there has been a lot of great movies playing: Aladdin, Say Anything, Lars and the Real Girls, That Thing You Do, Tarzan, Shakespeare in Love, Love Actually, etc. An and I have been getting our fill of movies. Everything has been so relaxing, so I am happy. Plus I can finally read whenever I want. An has "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" so I read that yesterday and finished it. Then I started on "Look Me in the Eye" by, John Elder Robinson. The older brother of the author of "Running with Scissors", Augusten Burroughs. I don't know if I spelt his name correctly. I hope to finish this one tonight so I can start on another book of An's or maybe finish "Cats Cradle", which I started on in school. Today, didn't do much. Woke up, went for a run, ate spring rolls that An's mom made from scratch, put a lot of music into my ITunes from An's and her dad's CD collection, read a bit and stuff. I want to take a walk... but I'm sure An wouldn't want to go on one. Maybe I'll go by myself. Anyways, tomorrow will be Sunday and then the next day will be Monday and then I will be back to school and studying. I am really dreading it. :( Plus finals are coming up in three weeks, so I will have to start studying now. I really hate school. I just want the semester to be over so I can go home and see my mom, sister, and friends. Plus, I am craving good food from home. Okay, time to go. Adieu. 

"Nighty night"

 

Doesn't this look so good? Ahhh. I am craving some cupcakes right about now... actually anything sweet would do.

Anyways, yesterday went to William Sonoma with some friends and after that trip I really want an espresso machine and some new baking equipment. When I go home for the break, I am going to go crazy with baking. Until then I will just have to wait, actually my roommate wants to bake like crazy too, so during Thanksgiving I guess I will get to bake. yummm, so excited. After William Sonoma, went to the filming of Demetri Martin. I got free tickets online so I invited five of my friends to go. It was so long... I think that it was a cool experience, but way too long for me to be sitting in the cold and freezing my ass off. Apparently, they turn on the air condition while filming to keep the audience awake. Oh, what smart people they are. 

After we went to In n Out because we were starving! We got our food and ate like savages. What an appealing sight. :0D

Today, just went into Union and got bought a Stella McCartney for GapKids collab rain/wind breaker. It is a gorgeous chartreuse yellow color. One of my favorite colors. It is definitely a statement piece in a simple styled jacket. The price was great (48.00) and the color looked good against my skin, so I ended up buying it. Plus, the fit was amazing because it is meant for kids. I am 5 feet 1 and a half inches, so finding sleeves that actually hit my wrist bone and finding a jacket that hits at the right part of my thigh is really hard, that is why I often buy kids clothes. They fit perfectly. Aside from that jacket, I got two dresses from Zara, except it is from the Kids section. hahaha, yeah I know, I am in love with the kids section. :0D One dress is a black a line dress, it looks very chanel-esque without looking like it copied it in an obnoxious and obvious way. The other is a camel colored dress with interesting pockets, pleating, and a purple bow. Both are very simple and versatile. Tomorrow I am supposed to have dinner with my dad's cousin and her family in Santa Clara for an early Thanksgiving meal so I plan on wearing the camel colored dress then. I'll post pictures of my buys later. Anyways, I should be doing my french homework. Bye! 

Daul Kim.

I can't believe. I won't believe it...

Daul Kim has passed away...

I just can't believe it at all.

Suicide? Why would she resort to it... Life can be rough and cruel, but why, suicide? 

Poor girl, she must have been so tormented inside. Though I have never met her, and probably would never had, considering she was a top model in the fashion industry, I felt like I had this odd connection with her. Mostly because of her blog: iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com. 

I have been reading her blog for over a year and just by reading her thoughts and entries, I felt as if she was one of my friends and that I knew her. Sounds rather odd, but I really did believe so. She was so genuine and would never censor any of her thoughts and that is why I loved her blog and her. 

I just can't believe she is gone now. When I first heard of her death, I felt as if one of my own friends had passed. The fashion world, her family, her friends, and the world has lost an amazing, unique, eccentric individual. 

R.I.P. Daul Kim.

My lovelies

Can't wait to see my lovelies in 29 days! :) Love them. 

P.S. Deactivating your facebook account really helps to keep in touch with your friends even more! Odd, right?

Island in the Sun

This song was the first song I had heard from Weezer back in middle school. I remember it was in that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie, Holiday in the sun or something like that. I didn't realize that Spike Jonze actually directed the music video for this. Cool beans. 

My love for Weezer has spiked again. I used to be so obsessed with them in middle school and a bit during high school. The weezer fever has come back on, and I am burning up for some more songs. 

Healthiest States in America

Whoopie, Hawaii is on the top five. 

Nous Ne Sommes Plus Morts.

Just came back from a screening of "Nous Ne Somme Plus Morts", by, François Woukoache, which was held at my school. 

This film was amazing. 

It wasn't the cinematography, etc, that made it amazing. It was the harsh realism that really caught me by the mouth and reeled me in... all the way in. I just sat there with my mouth gapping open because I could not believe what I was watching. 

This film is about the Rwandan Genocide that started in 1994 by the Hutus. It explores the after math of the genocide, four years later, 1998. There are interviews of students who were from Rwanda, but were able to escape before the outbreak of the genocide and their thoughts about the loss of their families, home, and culture. There were also scenes of various authors from different parts of Africa, who decided to band together and find out about the genocide and write a book about it, to bring awareness to the people in Africa. There is a lot more to the film also. Scenes of dead carcasses and skeletal remains were shown from the genocide. There were many, but nothing compared to the total number of people killed. It was harsh, but someone had to shed some light onto the aftermath of the genocide, and Francois Woukoache did. I wish I were able to express more about the film but I just can't grasp everything that I saw. There was so much, and, frankly, I am really overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts right now. I would recommend this film to anyone. It really made me think more about the situation of the genocide and how it is possible for an "inner-ethnic killing" could arise. Why would people of the same ethnic group, who all live together in the same continent be compelled to kill one another? If anyone ever has the answer, feel free to leave a comment because I really would like to know. 

After the film ended there was a questions and answers session. I wish I had asked an answer but I didn't want to annoy him with my questions, so I just listened. And after the questions and answers session I went up to Francois and introduced myself... actually more like made a fool of myself. His first language is French and because I spoke a little I felt that I should have spoken French to him. Big Mistake. This is what ended up happening. I walked up to him and shook this hand. Then I said "Bonjour! Je parle francais, un peu. Je voudrais dire, merci beaucoup." ("Hi! I speak very little French. I would like to say, Thank you very much.")Then I said something else but didn't once introduce my name to him! hahahaha. I realized that after I left. I feel so smart. 

Seriously, wth is wrong with me? I meet this amazing film director and that is what I say and don't even properly introduce myself?! lol.

Anyways, yesterday I watched another movie that the Resident Hall Advisors put on for us. It's called "Food Inc." I had heard of it before because my sister watched it and I finally got a chance to watch it. This film was also great because it is a documentary that exposes the truths about huge food companies, such as Tyson, Monsanto, etc and how they kind of monopolize the food industry. There is a lot I would like to say for this film but I will save it for later because I really need to do my readings and start on my paper. So until next time. Au revoir! 

"I'm a rattle snake, babe, I'm a fuel on fire..."

I haven't been updating as frequently because I have been busy with school. Shoot me.

It's the start of the weekend and I am very excited to just kick back and relax.

I can read as much as I want and not have a care in the world! 

I'm currently reading another book called "Contradictions" by Yang Gui-ja. It's a Korean book that has been translated. So far, it is really good. It has enticed me in and now I am trapped. 

The book is a really fast read because of the fluid, flowing dialogue and often realistic thoughts/point of view from the narrator, Jin Jin. 

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone, it is not one of those books, like Twilight, which has kind of a specific audience target. "Contradictions" is a book that I feel anyone can relate to in one aspect or another. As a reader, I could really identify myself in Jin Jin, though we have different lives and problems, the main problem, which is that Jin Jin has her internal demons is definitely present in myself and others. This story is not one full of delicate fruit cake lines and content, it is a lot more emotional and actually psychological, if you really think deeply into it. So, now I really urge you to go and find yourself "Contradictions" and read it till you can't sit still. 

Aside from that, I am doing my laundry and the damn laundry machine ate two of my dollars. Fuck. If I could I'd beat it's ass down. 

Anyways, my roommate is gone again, this weekend. She always goes home every other week. I don't really mind because I like being in the room alone, especially because the room is small so I feel two people can make it feel really stuffy. Thank God, for these high, raised ceilings. Seriously, these spaceship rooms are something else. 

Tomorrow I am going hiking with my friends through the school. The hike is going to be in Marin. I am really excited to get out and see nature. It's nice to just go out and immerse yourself in nature, especially if you live in a city like SF, where there is not much green around, Golden Gate Park does not count because I feel like it is kind of artificial and too sculpted. 

Back home, I was always surrounded by greenery and I would hike often with my friends on ridges and stuff. Twas fun. Time to reconnect with mother nature. 

So, I have gained some weight, I can't tell how much. But I sure did. I know my body pretty well so if I gain some weight I notice it quick. I am not one to OBSESS over my body but I do like to keep in shape... and whenever I come back to college I always seem to gain so much weight. I blame it on all the stress and late night studying. Plus since I have been so busy I did not have any time to go running and my knee starting acting up.But, now I have started to run again, slowly. It's okay, I just want to get into shape again and lose all the weight I have gained. Muffin's are good and appealing but muffin tops... those are another story. 

Okay, I should go get my laundry. Au revoir!

Milla Jovovich.

This is why I love her even more! Oh Milla, I wish to one day meet you! 

Speak Easy

I am so tired and I have a mean nasty tummy ache. 

Go away! 

I blame it on the choco cookie I ate. Damn school cafeteria food, I curse thee! 

Anyways, I have been doing some reading of my own and have found some really good books. The first one I am reading is Norwegian Wood by Murakami, the second in About a Boy by Nick Hornby and the last one is Kafka on the Shore by Murakami. I am circulating them and so far I find no difficulty in keeping up with the books. It's really nice to be able to unwind, lay on my bed and read a little before I go to sleep. 

It's also a great way to KNOCK OUT and snore away. ha. 

Anyways school is eating up all my time and I can't wait for the weekend. 

I can finally relax and be able to read some more and start drawing again. I have decided to finally get back into drawing and improve. Hopefully I stick with the plan of drawing once a day. I tend to procrastinate a lot so lets see if I even stick with this plan. Oh! And I have also decided to get back to running. I used to run during the beginning of this semester but then I got "runner's knee" and had to stop to recover and now my knees do not hurt anymore, so that means I can start running again. 

I am so excited because I want to be healthy and lose the weight I have gained throughout the semester. I blame it on stress and eating to help me stay up to study. Ugh. I feel horribly disgusting indulging in so much chocolate and processed foods. Thinking about it makes me want to poo it all out. 

Ohhhh, poooooooo. 

Anyways, my diet has not been good since I have come back to SF. Back at home I used to eat a lot healthier, with lots of fruits and veggies. But when I am here I tend to change my diet to accomodate the food at the school cafeteria. Our food is so unhealthy and the portions are really ridiculous. When you want pasta, you end up getting 4-5 portions instead of one. It is really gross. Same applies for everything else. Thats why I like the stations in which I can serve myself so I can control my portions. Plus, everyone here eats so many starch and bread products, so I end up eating it too because that is the only thing they offer. Bleh, I miss home food. Yummy yummy healthy home food. 

My mom is a health freak, so if she found out how I was eating she would probably tell me to buy some fruits and vegetables at the market to cook for myself. I could do that but I need to spend all the money on my card (flexi) that the school forces us to use for food. Those damn bastards. Thats the downfall of living in the dorms, we are forced to have flexi. ugh. Really who needs 1,900 dollras for food in a whole semester. It is such a ridiculous and disgusting amount of money for food. I can survive well without that much money for food a semester. 

One thing about my school is: they will try to take your money in anyway possible, but because they are religious, they try to do it as discreetly and "honorably" as possible. 

Sad but true. 

"...what you respond to in any work of art is the artist's struggle against his/her limitations."

- Kurt Vonnegut

Trick or treat.

This weekend was so nice and relaxing. Went to lunch with a friend on Friday afternoon. Had Thai at some place on Haight... it was mediocre. Not going back there again. Then went shopping around the area and got a black dress and blazer. Then went into Union by myself and did a little more shopping. Ended up buying the Minnie pants from Jcrew, black Franco Sarto loafers, a sheer ruffled top from Banana Republic, earrings from UO, and a short sleeved thick sweater wrap from H&M. Twas a nice day to just hang out by myself and do some therapy shopping. After I met up with my two other friends and then went to Nordstrom Rack, after that we headed to dinner at some Turkish restaurant called Troya on Clement for my friends birthday. Met all the girls there and had a delicious meal. I will definitely be going back there again. Service was amazing and the food was great. Prices are great too. Then, for dessert we went to Genki crepes and got some generic but good crepes. On Saturday, Halloween day, went to watch Coco avant Chanel by myself at the Sundance Kabuki Theater, another nice afternoon to myself. I enjoyed the movie so much, enough to make me cry. Gabrielle Coco Chanel was an amazing, touch, and strong woman, I really admire her. After went to La Boulangerie and got a baguette. Then headed back to school to get ready for trick or treating with my friends. I wore a pineapple costume, haha. It's from Japan that my mom got me when I was in second or first grade. My friends and I went to Laurel Heights where all the rich folks live and we scored. I honestly did not expect to get much candy but man these people are loaded. Their houses are gorgeous and they had tons and tons of candy. Great for us trick or treaters. After my friends and I baked cookies then called it a night. I was so tired from walking up and down stairs that lead to the doors and walking around street to street. I am getting old, I can already feel it. I remember when going trick or treating was no problem because I was so active when I was little but man at the end of the night my feet were as flat as pancakes. 

Left to Right: Me and Mary. Trick or treating group. Me in my new top, pant and shoes. (I secretly took that picture of me to send to my mom. ha. I am such a dork)

Comfy comfy granny

My current everyday flats have been giving me knee pains because they are not leveled. The heels on the shoe have been redone when I was back home and the guy made the heel higher than it is supposed to be, so now my feet aren't leveled, which is causing my knees to hurt. I know all this because I worked for a running shoe/apparel store back at home. Anyways, I have been looking for a month for comfortable cute flats that I can wear with almost everything I own. It has been difficult because either the soles on the shoes have been too flat or there never seems to be my size available, which is a 5.5 US women's. Yeah, I have small feet, damn asians and short genes. I finally came to a conclusion to look into getting SAS shoes from the recommendation of my mom. These brand of shoes are the exact ones my grandma used to wear all the time and so I looked online and found some really cute ones. Oh I am in loooove.I like the beige ones a lot and the red ones, which also come in brown and black, plus the heel is wood so it gets bonus cute points. So excited to find some. In the mean time if I can't find any I have some back up loafers that Banana Republic are selling, so I can get those and wear them till I get my SAS shoes. Thank God for grandmas with bad arches, bunions and wide, flat feet, without them SAS shoes would not exist. 

 

Aside from that I have not gone fall shopping yet because I have been so busy with school. So, tomorrow I am finally going shopping! yippeeeeeeee!

Some things on my list for Fall:

1. Everyday flats

2. High brown leather boots 

3. Brown tweed blazer

4. Thick comfy wool or knit sweater or cardigan

5. Black or tweed capris from JCrew

6. Some fun studs for my ears and fun lil jewelry

7. A cute lil versatile dress for layering 

8. A nice lil top with ruffles

9. Long black leggings

10. Socks

11. A peacoat or beige trench coat or  Eddie Bauer coat. 

Here are some stuff I found online that I like. The images are from Jcrew, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, Eddie Bauer, Banana Republic, and Gap.

Mmmmm

It would be so nice to lie in a bed like this ^ hidden in a cave. Needs a bit of soft pastel colors such as mint green  and light aqua like these beautiful sweaters from Acne and Jcrew. Oh and I just wanted to share this funny picture I found of myself. I was drunk and for some good reason thought it would be okay to go fishing, especially in leather booties. ha, oh how I miss the summer and my long hair.

 

Overview

Getting through the workday will be a bit of a battle -- not because you're fighting with anyone, though. You just won't want to be there. You'd much prefer to be home, either alone or with the one person on the planet you feel comfortable enough to be completely silent with. It's not that you're tired -- you're just drained. You've been burning the candle at both ends lately. It's okay. Even you need to rest every now and then.

My horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo Horoscopes. I must say that I agree with this. I have been drained and I really don't want to deal with anything and anyone. I would rather be in my bed than have to go to three classes today. Especially when I have to get up in five hours and I have not gone to bed yet. I blame myself for procrastinating and now I have to stay up to finish up my stupid paper. 

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

The man was a genius. 

Just a thought.

We always want what we don't or can't have.

Anyways, on Friday after class, An and I went to AMC to watch:

 It was an okay movie. When I was watching it I kept on comparing it to: Paris, je t'aime, so of course I didn't like this movie. But after I watched this movie I pieced everything together better and then realized that it was a pretty good movie. It was nice seeing small tidbits of the characters lives and seeing the short stories. A little different from Paris, je t'aime, because in New York, I love you some of the stories don't just end they kind of continue on throughout the movie. I want to see it one more time because I think if I watch it a second time I would like it better. Most movies, books and songs I listen to, I must watch, read or listen to them at two times for me to like it. Rarely will I really like something the first time. Probably because I am so picky. haha. 

Well I got my two midterms done today, so three down in total, one more to go next week. Whooooo. Time for me to let loose this weekend and celebrate for studying so hard. Halloween is soon approaching and I am excited to get dressed up and trick or treat with my friends. Yes, I know seems very immature of me and my friends but we just want to have fun and recreate that once innocent, naive, and blissful happiness we used to experience during Halloween when we were younger. We are tired of partying with slutty drunk girls and creepy drunk guys. So, we are just going to trick or treat and have a relaxing, non-stressful Halloween. Plus, it's my good friend's birthday on Halloween and she wants to go trick or treating, so trick or treating it is! My mom sent me my costume and I got it today.... I am using my old costume from elementary school. It's a pineapple suit. hahaha, it still fits so I am so excited to wear it. At least I won't be cold wearing it out in SF, unlike the other girls who will have an excuse to dress up like a slut. But whatevers, it's okay, sometimes it's fun to dress like a slut cause then old creepy men stare and shout obscene words and shit to you. Always nice. Okay, should get going now folks. Adieau. 

Nonexistent

So, I really hate studying right now.

I'm supposed to be doing that, but, hey, looky I am on here just procrastinating away. 

At least I am good at something, procrastinating. ha. 

Anyways, I have two midterms tomorrow and I had one on Friday so pretty much this week was HELL. Next week will be a little better but I still have two papers to turn in on Wednesday and Thursday. 

Fakas. 

Ahhh.

I studied like mad this whole weekend for my midterms and I am so tired. My eyeballs want to run out screaming for mercy from my eye sockets.

At least I got to eat Pho, last night with An. Yum yum. 

Sad to say, but, it was my first time having Pho in SF. I was craving some like mad, and because I am on my period I HAD to get some. So, of course I dragged my poor roommate out with me. But, if she didn't come who else would order in Vietnamese for me? kekekekeke. 

After I got some mint chocolate chip ice cream, which I ate through like a beast. Was so damn, hippity hoppity good. 

Then headed over to Green Apples bookstore. An and I ended up picking up a book each. I got Secret of a Fire King by Kim Edwards. It's such a great book, compiled of short stories. 

Edwards works are always great, she is really descriptive and makes anything she write so special. If some other author were to write her stories in their own style it would be pretty boring but she just adds life to the short stories in the book. 

Amazing. 

Pretty happy that I got it for seven dollars, half price off; considering that it was used and looks new, I would say I got a good deal. 

Okay, well I should get to studying. I must do well on these two little monster midterms. argh. 

All a mess.

I really need to de-clutter my life.

I must get back on track. 

There is just too much going on and I want to slowly sink away, down the drain. 

I must de-clutter and downsize. 

I must indulge less and appreciate more. 

I must be charitable and give away to those with less.

I must learn, keep learning...

I must achieve

I must live one day at a time

I must learn to live in the moment

I must learn to stop procrastinating because I will get no where if I continue and not achieve my goals. 

There is so much I want to change about me and my lifestyle, when will I start? When do I have the time? When, when, when? 

I must be proactive and keep a straight head, I can't keep this blurred vision of the world in m head, I need to clear my head and get my priorities straightened. 

I must and I will. 

The past the present and the future.

I should be studying for French... but I am not. This is why I am struggling. ha. 

Anyways, I think I have come down with a cold. Sad day. I bet it is because I went out on Saturday night and should not have. It was fun but after going out and partying it enforced the idea of why I hate partying. Maybe it is just a phase that will pass over, but I am bored of getting drunk. I can just wait till I am 21 to go out and party. For now I am content. Anyways I was thinking about French class and how I have always wanted to go to France since I was in middle school and soon I will be able to go... if I turn in all my paper work and get my act together. I must stop procrastinating. My French is not as great as I would want it to be, I mean come on, I have been taking French for three years already and I honestly can say that I am a horrible speaker. I can write and everything rather well but when it comes to actually speaking the language I am screwed. I wonder how I will survive in France. ha. 

Okay, so back to the thought of how I have always dreamed of going to Paris. I had a couple of opportunities to go to France in High School but each time I could not go... I know this sounds really stupid, but it was because of Cross-Country and Track. I told my coach of how I wanted to travel for two weeks to France with my French teacher my Junior and Senior Year but both times he tried to talk me out of it and he won. I ended up not going both times and I regret it till this day. Cross-Country and Track really meant a lot to me at the time but I should have just gone on the trip because now I really regret it. That is why I am so determined to study abroad in Paris my Junior year. 

There is just something about France that lures me in. I was always fascinated with the people, the architecture, the food, the lifestyle, the art, the fashion and the city, itself. I always felt I did not belong back at home in Oahu because I was never an island girl and because Paris is so different from Oahu I was even more set on making France a destination to travel to. I want to one day live in Paris when I get really old after I live in New York! New York is also another place that has fascinated me since I was young. I always wondered how could one place be so diverse and busy all the time. It is the city that never sleeps. I love how New York is always high paced, very different from Oahu. After dreaming of going to New York, I finally got to go for my graduation present with my mom and aunty. It was amazing. Right when I got there, I knew I would love it.... and I did. I know one day I will be back there to live. My plans for now are to finish college on time, find a job that will sustain me for a bit, work up my portfolio for fashion school, earn money for my loans and fashion school and then submit my portfolio and see what happens from there. I am hoping to go to New York for fashion school, rather than California because though California is a cool place to visit I just don't see myself living here. I want a different kind of life and I don't see my future here, at all. I never did and never will. 

It's been a while since I have drawn for my portfolio and thinking of designs, I haven't had much time to do that here because it requires so much other research to even start on a project. I wish I had more time to do everything  so I can lay down and read like I did during the summer, bake and make simple dishes, call all my mom/sister more often and of course my besties, draw from morning to night, which will result in a cramped hand, go out and explore the city more often, just lie down in the park and day dream, etc. There is just so much I want to do but so little time. Oh mon dieu. 

Fall Break

Fall Break has finally come. This week and the week before have been overwhelming and stressful. I really need this break to relax and sleep. It's already the middle of October... I can't believe how fast first semester is going. Soon it will be Winter Break! I don't miss home yet. I do miss my mom but not much, I am fine being all alone in SF. It's fun. Plus, I've made new friends, so I am having fun aside from school. This semester has been a lot harder and busier than last year. I don't party and pretty much relax with my friends any chance I have. Instead of partying we just go out to relax and grab some coffee or food at random cafes. It's a lot nicer than going out and getting wasted. I am tired of partying and don't know how I used to do it every weekend. It really wastes a lot of time, in my opinion. I'd rather stay in and watch a movie with friends, go exploring around the city or just sit and have a nice chat. It helps to get to know others on a different and more personal level. I've made friends with people who like to chill like I do so it works out nice. :) I do miss some of my other friends from last year but it's hard to hang out with them cause we are all so busy and have different schedules and life styles. But it's okay cause sometimes friends just drift apart. It's all a part of life and I definitely accept it because it helps me to pick out the friends who genuinely want to stay connected and still be friends. I am not pointing fingers at anyone in particular because I, for one did not take the time/initiative to hang with some of my old friends too, so it goes both ways. I'm sure we will all reconnect again sooner or later.

Anyways, I can't seem to get the thought of who I am and where I am headed in life. When I look at the mirror I don't know who I am looking at. I see a girl, but sometimes she looks empty... her eyes, they don't glisten with life. They are as black as the night sky, minus the stars. It's hard because sometimes I seem happy and other times I seem to be awake, but lifeless, going through life and not enjoying it. No, I am not depressed, that is too severe and dramatic of me to say or think I am, because depression it something that is not to be taken lightly. I would say I am in more of a stump or early life crisis. I guess I could call it the blues too. 

I feel that life for me is too good to be true right now. I have a place to live, I don't have to worry about food because of our meal plan at school, I don't work so that means more time to just study, and etc. Pretty much life is easy but I just have to make it so complicated by over thinking everything! I know that after college life will be a lot harder because I will be supporting myself, compared to college where I am handed everything I pretty much need to survive. It's so odd. I don't understand why I can't just accept life as it is and be happy. Is it me? Is it my need to want more and achieve more? Is it so wrong to think like that? It must really be me... but I just don't know who I am. I want to know the person I am, I want to be my own best friend, I want to accept myself and my life, and I just want answers. All my life I have wanted answers and I know it may sound demanding of me, but I don't really care because I still have not received any answers! Wow, I must sound crazy right now but I don't care ha. 

There's just so much I want to say but it is really hard when my mind moves faster than my fingers to type/write/process all of my thoughts out. Sometimes I just feel that one day my thoughts will drive me to the grave. Yeah, that sounds grim but really if you entered my mind, you wouldn't be able to survive one second of it. The only way for me to stop over thinking is by talking to someone. If I leave myself all alone for too long it will lead to destruction of self. Which, I find odd because I like being alone most of the times but when I am alone I slowly kill myself by filling my mind with too many thoughts. My brain works overtime, and definitely not for anything school related. ha. 

The Times Are A-Changing. Not.

So, life is the same, as always. I am really glad that tomorrow will be Friday, which means only one class and then my weekend starts. It should be a relaxing weekend because everyone will be at Lovevolution on Saturday so I don't need to deal with anyone. Anyways... I don't really know what to write about. I just wanted to update for the sake of updating.... then again it has been a couple of weeks since I last updated. 

SF

San Francisco, the city of:  art, bums, drugs, hipsters and other shit like that. 

I have returned. But not for the city; I have returned back for school. Though everyone says, "Ohh, San Francisco... must be such an amazing place!" or "Omg, you're so lucky, I want to go to SF!" I feel that this city does not live up to all the hype. I have a love/hate relationship with SF. Some days I'll be so happy to be in SF, other days I just want to move away to somewhere like New York or whatevers. I'm happy to be away from home but sometimes I know I can never live in SF for too long. I think that after I graduate from college I will stay here for a few years or move to Seattle or New York... maybe back home if I am ridiculously broke. Which, I'll probably be.

Anyways, school started on Tuesday and it was pretty good. My classes seem pretty easy... except for French, I forgot everything and don't know how I'll do in French 102. All my friends are back so thats good... except that we all live away from each other. I live on the upper campus which is chill and quiet and everyone else lives on the lower campus. We'll see how it all works out and if we all stay together. For now I want to just concentrate on doing well in school. Aside from that nothing exciting has happened yet. My life is pretty boring. But If Mr. Fun decides to call me one day to tell me he is going to come and liven up my life then by all means I will accept.