This and That...

First, the state decides to have a furlough on Fridays for public schools in Hawaii and now, they have decided to have a furlough for libraries, too!? Seriously, what the hell is the government thinking? I understand that they do not have a sufficient amount of money, but, why cut back on school and library days? Aren't the purposes for both of these institutions to educate the people within the community of Hawaii? Why is it that, whenever a cut back has to be made, the arts or anything education related, must be cut back first? I may sound like I am am over reacting, but, I believe that this is a good enough reason to over react. There is so much I want to say about this topic, but I cannot seem to gather all my thoughts in an orderly fashion, so I will just leave it at this and maybe continue next time... 

Anyways, aside from reading that article... I got to thinking about relationships with friends, family members, etc. 

When it comes to any of these sorts of relationships, I have high expectations. It's just how I have been all my life because I found friendships and relationships between family members to be of importance. I was always the type of girl who had a small group of friends, I never had a large group of friends growing up, probably because I was so shy. However, as I grew older, I started to come out of my shell and socialize with many different people, outside of my group of friends. Though I would never consider these people to be my close friends, I would definitely consider them as my friends. And, even in this process, I am quite picky as to whom, I consider my friends, close friends, or acquaintances. Those whom I consider my close or best friends are people who I know I can trust. For my, trust is a very important issue, and usually it takes me a lot longer to trust anyone. I don't know why, but, I have major trust issues. Maybe it could be because I have been screwed over, so many times, and let down over and over again, in my past. Anyways, because of this, I have learned to shut myself off to others pretty well. Yeah, on the outside, it seems like I am very amiable and open, but, truthfully it can be a coverup... sometimes. I am a pretty friendly person and can talk to most people with no problems, but sometimes I act like I am open, when in fact, I use it as a defense mechanism. It all sounds so odd and confusing, but it works for me. Also, deep down inside, I keep track of those, whom I can trust, and others that I cannot trust. That, is why my expectations from my friends, etc are so high, because I feel that because I can trust them, that they will not screw me over or hurt me, in any sort of way. Also, my expectations are probably high because I am willing to do so much for those whom I care about, and I guess in return, I feel that they would do the same for me. But I guess that is not how it works out in many cases. That is why I came to a possible conclusion, maybe I should lower my expectations? I know it sounds bad, but if I were to lower my expectations, then I would not get hurt as often and would probably stress less. Yes, I am an emotional person, as you can tell by reading my entires. I have always been quite an emotional person, but that I also hid as much as possible. Maybe, that is why many people tell me I come off as a "bitch" when they first see me. It's because I try to hide any sort of emotion that I have by putting on this "bitch mask." Hahaha, that sounds funny, "bitch mask." (To clarify, anything, if I happen to sound like I think I am superior, by saying stuff like "they have to earn my trust...blah, blah, blah", sorry, I don't mean to come off as one! I promise, this is just an entry about me venting and ranting.) Okay, off I go! Au revoir!