Comfy comfy granny

My current everyday flats have been giving me knee pains because they are not leveled. The heels on the shoe have been redone when I was back home and the guy made the heel higher than it is supposed to be, so now my feet aren't leveled, which is causing my knees to hurt. I know all this because I worked for a running shoe/apparel store back at home. Anyways, I have been looking for a month for comfortable cute flats that I can wear with almost everything I own. It has been difficult because either the soles on the shoes have been too flat or there never seems to be my size available, which is a 5.5 US women's. Yeah, I have small feet, damn asians and short genes. I finally came to a conclusion to look into getting SAS shoes from the recommendation of my mom. These brand of shoes are the exact ones my grandma used to wear all the time and so I looked online and found some really cute ones. Oh I am in loooove.I like the beige ones a lot and the red ones, which also come in brown and black, plus the heel is wood so it gets bonus cute points. So excited to find some. In the mean time if I can't find any I have some back up loafers that Banana Republic are selling, so I can get those and wear them till I get my SAS shoes. Thank God for grandmas with bad arches, bunions and wide, flat feet, without them SAS shoes would not exist. 

 

Aside from that I have not gone fall shopping yet because I have been so busy with school. So, tomorrow I am finally going shopping! yippeeeeeeee!

Some things on my list for Fall:

1. Everyday flats

2. High brown leather boots 

3. Brown tweed blazer

4. Thick comfy wool or knit sweater or cardigan

5. Black or tweed capris from JCrew

6. Some fun studs for my ears and fun lil jewelry

7. A cute lil versatile dress for layering 

8. A nice lil top with ruffles

9. Long black leggings

10. Socks

11. A peacoat or beige trench coat or  Eddie Bauer coat. 

Here are some stuff I found online that I like. The images are from Jcrew, Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, Eddie Bauer, Banana Republic, and Gap.

Mmmmm

It would be so nice to lie in a bed like this ^ hidden in a cave. Needs a bit of soft pastel colors such as mint green  and light aqua like these beautiful sweaters from Acne and Jcrew. Oh and I just wanted to share this funny picture I found of myself. I was drunk and for some good reason thought it would be okay to go fishing, especially in leather booties. ha, oh how I miss the summer and my long hair.

 

Overview

Getting through the workday will be a bit of a battle -- not because you're fighting with anyone, though. You just won't want to be there. You'd much prefer to be home, either alone or with the one person on the planet you feel comfortable enough to be completely silent with. It's not that you're tired -- you're just drained. You've been burning the candle at both ends lately. It's okay. Even you need to rest every now and then.

My horoscope for today, courtesy of Yahoo Horoscopes. I must say that I agree with this. I have been drained and I really don't want to deal with anything and anyone. I would rather be in my bed than have to go to three classes today. Especially when I have to get up in five hours and I have not gone to bed yet. I blame myself for procrastinating and now I have to stay up to finish up my stupid paper. 

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

The man was a genius. 

Just a thought.

We always want what we don't or can't have.

Anyways, on Friday after class, An and I went to AMC to watch:

 It was an okay movie. When I was watching it I kept on comparing it to: Paris, je t'aime, so of course I didn't like this movie. But after I watched this movie I pieced everything together better and then realized that it was a pretty good movie. It was nice seeing small tidbits of the characters lives and seeing the short stories. A little different from Paris, je t'aime, because in New York, I love you some of the stories don't just end they kind of continue on throughout the movie. I want to see it one more time because I think if I watch it a second time I would like it better. Most movies, books and songs I listen to, I must watch, read or listen to them at two times for me to like it. Rarely will I really like something the first time. Probably because I am so picky. haha. 

Well I got my two midterms done today, so three down in total, one more to go next week. Whooooo. Time for me to let loose this weekend and celebrate for studying so hard. Halloween is soon approaching and I am excited to get dressed up and trick or treat with my friends. Yes, I know seems very immature of me and my friends but we just want to have fun and recreate that once innocent, naive, and blissful happiness we used to experience during Halloween when we were younger. We are tired of partying with slutty drunk girls and creepy drunk guys. So, we are just going to trick or treat and have a relaxing, non-stressful Halloween. Plus, it's my good friend's birthday on Halloween and she wants to go trick or treating, so trick or treating it is! My mom sent me my costume and I got it today.... I am using my old costume from elementary school. It's a pineapple suit. hahaha, it still fits so I am so excited to wear it. At least I won't be cold wearing it out in SF, unlike the other girls who will have an excuse to dress up like a slut. But whatevers, it's okay, sometimes it's fun to dress like a slut cause then old creepy men stare and shout obscene words and shit to you. Always nice. Okay, should get going now folks. Adieau. 

Nonexistent

So, I really hate studying right now.

I'm supposed to be doing that, but, hey, looky I am on here just procrastinating away. 

At least I am good at something, procrastinating. ha. 

Anyways, I have two midterms tomorrow and I had one on Friday so pretty much this week was HELL. Next week will be a little better but I still have two papers to turn in on Wednesday and Thursday. 

Fakas. 

Ahhh.

I studied like mad this whole weekend for my midterms and I am so tired. My eyeballs want to run out screaming for mercy from my eye sockets.

At least I got to eat Pho, last night with An. Yum yum. 

Sad to say, but, it was my first time having Pho in SF. I was craving some like mad, and because I am on my period I HAD to get some. So, of course I dragged my poor roommate out with me. But, if she didn't come who else would order in Vietnamese for me? kekekekeke. 

After I got some mint chocolate chip ice cream, which I ate through like a beast. Was so damn, hippity hoppity good. 

Then headed over to Green Apples bookstore. An and I ended up picking up a book each. I got Secret of a Fire King by Kim Edwards. It's such a great book, compiled of short stories. 

Edwards works are always great, she is really descriptive and makes anything she write so special. If some other author were to write her stories in their own style it would be pretty boring but she just adds life to the short stories in the book. 

Amazing. 

Pretty happy that I got it for seven dollars, half price off; considering that it was used and looks new, I would say I got a good deal. 

Okay, well I should get to studying. I must do well on these two little monster midterms. argh. 

All a mess.

I really need to de-clutter my life.

I must get back on track. 

There is just too much going on and I want to slowly sink away, down the drain. 

I must de-clutter and downsize. 

I must indulge less and appreciate more. 

I must be charitable and give away to those with less.

I must learn, keep learning...

I must achieve

I must live one day at a time

I must learn to live in the moment

I must learn to stop procrastinating because I will get no where if I continue and not achieve my goals. 

There is so much I want to change about me and my lifestyle, when will I start? When do I have the time? When, when, when? 

I must be proactive and keep a straight head, I can't keep this blurred vision of the world in m head, I need to clear my head and get my priorities straightened. 

I must and I will. 

The past the present and the future.

I should be studying for French... but I am not. This is why I am struggling. ha. 

Anyways, I think I have come down with a cold. Sad day. I bet it is because I went out on Saturday night and should not have. It was fun but after going out and partying it enforced the idea of why I hate partying. Maybe it is just a phase that will pass over, but I am bored of getting drunk. I can just wait till I am 21 to go out and party. For now I am content. Anyways I was thinking about French class and how I have always wanted to go to France since I was in middle school and soon I will be able to go... if I turn in all my paper work and get my act together. I must stop procrastinating. My French is not as great as I would want it to be, I mean come on, I have been taking French for three years already and I honestly can say that I am a horrible speaker. I can write and everything rather well but when it comes to actually speaking the language I am screwed. I wonder how I will survive in France. ha. 

Okay, so back to the thought of how I have always dreamed of going to Paris. I had a couple of opportunities to go to France in High School but each time I could not go... I know this sounds really stupid, but it was because of Cross-Country and Track. I told my coach of how I wanted to travel for two weeks to France with my French teacher my Junior and Senior Year but both times he tried to talk me out of it and he won. I ended up not going both times and I regret it till this day. Cross-Country and Track really meant a lot to me at the time but I should have just gone on the trip because now I really regret it. That is why I am so determined to study abroad in Paris my Junior year. 

There is just something about France that lures me in. I was always fascinated with the people, the architecture, the food, the lifestyle, the art, the fashion and the city, itself. I always felt I did not belong back at home in Oahu because I was never an island girl and because Paris is so different from Oahu I was even more set on making France a destination to travel to. I want to one day live in Paris when I get really old after I live in New York! New York is also another place that has fascinated me since I was young. I always wondered how could one place be so diverse and busy all the time. It is the city that never sleeps. I love how New York is always high paced, very different from Oahu. After dreaming of going to New York, I finally got to go for my graduation present with my mom and aunty. It was amazing. Right when I got there, I knew I would love it.... and I did. I know one day I will be back there to live. My plans for now are to finish college on time, find a job that will sustain me for a bit, work up my portfolio for fashion school, earn money for my loans and fashion school and then submit my portfolio and see what happens from there. I am hoping to go to New York for fashion school, rather than California because though California is a cool place to visit I just don't see myself living here. I want a different kind of life and I don't see my future here, at all. I never did and never will. 

It's been a while since I have drawn for my portfolio and thinking of designs, I haven't had much time to do that here because it requires so much other research to even start on a project. I wish I had more time to do everything  so I can lay down and read like I did during the summer, bake and make simple dishes, call all my mom/sister more often and of course my besties, draw from morning to night, which will result in a cramped hand, go out and explore the city more often, just lie down in the park and day dream, etc. There is just so much I want to do but so little time. Oh mon dieu. 

Fall Break

Fall Break has finally come. This week and the week before have been overwhelming and stressful. I really need this break to relax and sleep. It's already the middle of October... I can't believe how fast first semester is going. Soon it will be Winter Break! I don't miss home yet. I do miss my mom but not much, I am fine being all alone in SF. It's fun. Plus, I've made new friends, so I am having fun aside from school. This semester has been a lot harder and busier than last year. I don't party and pretty much relax with my friends any chance I have. Instead of partying we just go out to relax and grab some coffee or food at random cafes. It's a lot nicer than going out and getting wasted. I am tired of partying and don't know how I used to do it every weekend. It really wastes a lot of time, in my opinion. I'd rather stay in and watch a movie with friends, go exploring around the city or just sit and have a nice chat. It helps to get to know others on a different and more personal level. I've made friends with people who like to chill like I do so it works out nice. :) I do miss some of my other friends from last year but it's hard to hang out with them cause we are all so busy and have different schedules and life styles. But it's okay cause sometimes friends just drift apart. It's all a part of life and I definitely accept it because it helps me to pick out the friends who genuinely want to stay connected and still be friends. I am not pointing fingers at anyone in particular because I, for one did not take the time/initiative to hang with some of my old friends too, so it goes both ways. I'm sure we will all reconnect again sooner or later.

Anyways, I can't seem to get the thought of who I am and where I am headed in life. When I look at the mirror I don't know who I am looking at. I see a girl, but sometimes she looks empty... her eyes, they don't glisten with life. They are as black as the night sky, minus the stars. It's hard because sometimes I seem happy and other times I seem to be awake, but lifeless, going through life and not enjoying it. No, I am not depressed, that is too severe and dramatic of me to say or think I am, because depression it something that is not to be taken lightly. I would say I am in more of a stump or early life crisis. I guess I could call it the blues too. 

I feel that life for me is too good to be true right now. I have a place to live, I don't have to worry about food because of our meal plan at school, I don't work so that means more time to just study, and etc. Pretty much life is easy but I just have to make it so complicated by over thinking everything! I know that after college life will be a lot harder because I will be supporting myself, compared to college where I am handed everything I pretty much need to survive. It's so odd. I don't understand why I can't just accept life as it is and be happy. Is it me? Is it my need to want more and achieve more? Is it so wrong to think like that? It must really be me... but I just don't know who I am. I want to know the person I am, I want to be my own best friend, I want to accept myself and my life, and I just want answers. All my life I have wanted answers and I know it may sound demanding of me, but I don't really care because I still have not received any answers! Wow, I must sound crazy right now but I don't care ha. 

There's just so much I want to say but it is really hard when my mind moves faster than my fingers to type/write/process all of my thoughts out. Sometimes I just feel that one day my thoughts will drive me to the grave. Yeah, that sounds grim but really if you entered my mind, you wouldn't be able to survive one second of it. The only way for me to stop over thinking is by talking to someone. If I leave myself all alone for too long it will lead to destruction of self. Which, I find odd because I like being alone most of the times but when I am alone I slowly kill myself by filling my mind with too many thoughts. My brain works overtime, and definitely not for anything school related. ha. 

The Times Are A-Changing. Not.

So, life is the same, as always. I am really glad that tomorrow will be Friday, which means only one class and then my weekend starts. It should be a relaxing weekend because everyone will be at Lovevolution on Saturday so I don't need to deal with anyone. Anyways... I don't really know what to write about. I just wanted to update for the sake of updating.... then again it has been a couple of weeks since I last updated.