Anyways, yes, there are reasons why others, aside from myself lose hope in humans all together. I know that one day all humans will eventually die off and the only living "things" left will be nature itself. Ah, beautiful nature. Maybe I am being too cynical? But I would not be me if I were not cynical and pessimistic, well not all the time, in serious situations I try to be pessimistic to keep myself our from Depression. Hey, if I ain't popping pills like its candy to keep me sane then the least I could do is try and be optimistic in difficult and tough situations... then again, I could try to get a medical marijuana card...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Alamar...
The more I meet people and get to know them, the more I dislike humans and the more I want to close up. Seriously, there are reasons why many lose hope in the humans. I will not say "human race" because, not to sound pretentious, I learned in my Intro to Anthropology course that there is no such thing as a "human race" and that it is fictional and made up by none other than, of course, humans. Who the hell do we thing we are to make up some shit, like the "human race"? haha.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
"Born to run, baby run, like a stream down a mountainside."
It has been about two months since I have been back in San Francisco. Frightening, I know.
Haha, just kidding. I am feeling much better compared to last semester. I am in my third year of college and my fifth semester. Things have been looking up and I am more comfortable than before. My absent leave from last semester to go home early was the best decision I could have possibly made. I am so thankful to those who helped me in last few days of my fourth semester before leaving to return home. From my professors to the university workers, I am truly thankful and grateful of their care and help. At the time I could have cared less, I just wanted to return home and see my mom but looking back on it with a sensible and healed head and mind, without these people who tried their best to help me I would not be as comfortable as I am now, especially in my fifth semester at school.
I was able to turn in all my finals from last semester and am awaiting on one final grade to decimate my "incompletes" Thank God for my wonderful professors from last semester who understood or at least tried to understand my situation and let me turn in my finals late and worked hard and fast to get my final grades in officially. Due to their speed and time I do not have to worry about having incompletes in my records and will officially be a Junior soon... (because of the incompletes I am technically a Sophomore)
Okay, enough about school, my whole life has been about school. I won't die if I don't talk about school for a second. The summer, my family (especially my mom), my friends, and the beautiful little island of Oahu has healed me. It is amazing how this combination can really change a person. For me I could say it was my saving grace. Without it I would have continued to fade away into the background of life and disappeared like the Bermuda Triangle, never to be spotted or found. I was like the Bermuda Triangle, people knew I existed but they just did not know where I was. Physically, I was present, but mentally and spiritually I was not, I was no where to be found. It was as if a fog had rolled over and hid my mind and soul away from view. If I had stayed in San Francisco at that particular time for any longer I would have deteriorated by now and I do not know what would have happened to me.
However, I am glad to know where I am right now and that is... in my room with Kings of Leon flowing out from my ITunes while my roommates are asleep in the room adjacent to mine. The time is 1:13 a.m. and I am present, physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is how I would like to be, forever. I never want to return to the past state that I was in. I confess I am still not at my optimum best and I can definitely work on many more things and will always continue to question myself, however at this moment I am content and that is all that matters. Especially for someone who was in my position. All that matters is that I am comfortable and content with myself and my life. I do not have to know what will happen to me after I graduate or even a semester from now, if I will be studying abroad or not? All I have to do is concentrate on now and the present because this is where I am. I may not be fully happy with the way things are going and yes, every once in a while I will ask myself, "Why aren't you as happy as you were before?" But, it doesn't matter and I am learning that everyday because the person I was a year or two ago is not the same me. I am no longer depressed but it does not mean I am exactly the happiest I could be. I am just content and it is all that matters to me. By the way, should I count how many times I used the word content? Haha, on second thought I think it would better not to. Alright, until next time. Adieu.
Haha, just kidding. I am feeling much better compared to last semester. I am in my third year of college and my fifth semester. Things have been looking up and I am more comfortable than before. My absent leave from last semester to go home early was the best decision I could have possibly made. I am so thankful to those who helped me in last few days of my fourth semester before leaving to return home. From my professors to the university workers, I am truly thankful and grateful of their care and help. At the time I could have cared less, I just wanted to return home and see my mom but looking back on it with a sensible and healed head and mind, without these people who tried their best to help me I would not be as comfortable as I am now, especially in my fifth semester at school.
I was able to turn in all my finals from last semester and am awaiting on one final grade to decimate my "incompletes" Thank God for my wonderful professors from last semester who understood or at least tried to understand my situation and let me turn in my finals late and worked hard and fast to get my final grades in officially. Due to their speed and time I do not have to worry about having incompletes in my records and will officially be a Junior soon... (because of the incompletes I am technically a Sophomore)
Okay, enough about school, my whole life has been about school. I won't die if I don't talk about school for a second. The summer, my family (especially my mom), my friends, and the beautiful little island of Oahu has healed me. It is amazing how this combination can really change a person. For me I could say it was my saving grace. Without it I would have continued to fade away into the background of life and disappeared like the Bermuda Triangle, never to be spotted or found. I was like the Bermuda Triangle, people knew I existed but they just did not know where I was. Physically, I was present, but mentally and spiritually I was not, I was no where to be found. It was as if a fog had rolled over and hid my mind and soul away from view. If I had stayed in San Francisco at that particular time for any longer I would have deteriorated by now and I do not know what would have happened to me.
However, I am glad to know where I am right now and that is... in my room with Kings of Leon flowing out from my ITunes while my roommates are asleep in the room adjacent to mine. The time is 1:13 a.m. and I am present, physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is how I would like to be, forever. I never want to return to the past state that I was in. I confess I am still not at my optimum best and I can definitely work on many more things and will always continue to question myself, however at this moment I am content and that is all that matters. Especially for someone who was in my position. All that matters is that I am comfortable and content with myself and my life. I do not have to know what will happen to me after I graduate or even a semester from now, if I will be studying abroad or not? All I have to do is concentrate on now and the present because this is where I am. I may not be fully happy with the way things are going and yes, every once in a while I will ask myself, "Why aren't you as happy as you were before?" But, it doesn't matter and I am learning that everyday because the person I was a year or two ago is not the same me. I am no longer depressed but it does not mean I am exactly the happiest I could be. I am just content and it is all that matters to me. By the way, should I count how many times I used the word content? Haha, on second thought I think it would better not to. Alright, until next time. Adieu.
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