Anyways, aside from reading that article... I got to thinking about relationships with friends, family members, etc.
When it comes to any of these sorts of relationships, I have high expectations. It's just how I have been all my life because I found friendships and relationships between family members to be of importance. I was always the type of girl who had a small group of friends, I never had a large group of friends growing up, probably because I was so shy. However, as I grew older, I started to come out of my shell and socialize with many different people, outside of my group of friends. Though I would never consider these people to be my close friends, I would definitely consider them as my friends. And, even in this process, I am quite picky as to whom, I consider my friends, close friends, or acquaintances. Those whom I consider my close or best friends are people who I know I can trust. For my, trust is a very important issue, and usually it takes me a lot longer to trust anyone. I don't know why, but, I have major trust issues. Maybe it could be because I have been screwed over, so many times, and let down over and over again, in my past. Anyways, because of this, I have learned to shut myself off to others pretty well. Yeah, on the outside, it seems like I am very amiable and open, but, truthfully it can be a coverup... sometimes. I am a pretty friendly person and can talk to most people with no problems, but sometimes I act like I am open, when in fact, I use it as a defense mechanism. It all sounds so odd and confusing, but it works for me. Also, deep down inside, I keep track of those, whom I can trust, and others that I cannot trust. That, is why my expectations from my friends, etc are so high, because I feel that because I can trust them, that they will not screw me over or hurt me, in any sort of way. Also, my expectations are probably high because I am willing to do so much for those whom I care about, and I guess in return, I feel that they would do the same for me. But I guess that is not how it works out in many cases. That is why I came to a possible conclusion, maybe I should lower my expectations? I know it sounds bad, but if I were to lower my expectations, then I would not get hurt as often and would probably stress less. Yes, I am an emotional person, as you can tell by reading my entires. I have always been quite an emotional person, but that I also hid as much as possible. Maybe, that is why many people tell me I come off as a "bitch" when they first see me. It's because I try to hide any sort of emotion that I have by putting on this "bitch mask." Hahaha, that sounds funny, "bitch mask." (To clarify, anything, if I happen to sound like I think I am superior, by saying stuff like "they have to earn my trust...blah, blah, blah", sorry, I don't mean to come off as one! I promise, this is just an entry about me venting and ranting.) Okay, off I go! Au revoir!
